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Humbling & putting things into a very personal perspective…

In the tradition of the past months/year, once again a season of solitude in the holy dwelling of the Lord. It’s the season of Lent, a season of fasting, praying, sacrificial giving & preparing for all that is yet to come. 40 days, a period God has often used in biblical times to transform individuals & communities. Examples? Noah’s 40 days on the Arc, Moses’ 40 days on Mt Sinai, Jesus’ 40 days in the wilderness.

There are a million & one interpretations & traditions surrounding Lent, most of them way too religious/ritualistic for my spirit. But I think this post captures quite well the essence of Lent from my point of view:

So here we are, looking at Lent, wondering what it means and what we should be doing. There are many answers to this question. Good answers, answers steeped in tradition. But if we look at Lent in terms of the 40 day sojourns of Noah, Moses, Elijah, and Jesus, we can find a new meaning to Lent and in it a new purpose, and a new discipline.

First, repent, turn away from your sins. Leave them behind. Don’t dwell on them; don’t wallow in them, just walk away from them.

Second, hear the voice of God saying to you, “You are my beloved child; in you I am well pleased.” Know in your heart that God has claimed you; that God loves you; that God accepts you. Know that for the truth and that truth will set you free.

Use these 40 days of Lent to examine and to ask yourself who you are, and what does God intend for you. Are you here for your own self interest? To meet your own needs, seek your own power, raise yourself up? Or are you here to meet God’s needs? To meet the needs of others, to bring power to others, to raise others up?

Renew yourself in covenant with God. Rededicate yourself to God.

If you do this, if you use Lent in this way, you will be ready to go out and tell the Gospel, to work miracles in the lives of those around you, to bring peace and healing to a world in so much need of peace and healing.

You will be ready to face the pain and the passion of Good Friday.

You will experience the wonder of Easter in a new way.

You will be lifted up.

I did not plan to do any proper Lenten fast until God reminded me of the word He had given me months ago, a word that I was reluctant to follow ever since. I cannot resist this word any longer as I had to realise that I will get nowhere on the long run if I don’t make it through this experience He is offering me.

I know, it’s all very cryptic right now but it is a very personal & spiritual issue between God & me alone. I will share steps of the way when the time is right.

I will post whenever I can during the next weeks leading up to Easter but I can’t promise anything. Will share some great music & recipes & other microblogging things though. Ok? Ok.

Something random to end on:

I am sitting here drinking the worst juice I’ve probably ever made. Red grapefruits & cabbage. No kidding! It was late when I had my juicing high & juiced like four different juices at once. Don’t try this at home, kids. & don’t be fooled by its beautiful pink colour, this juice is out to get you!

Picture: (c) airbrushfrankhazen.com

You cannot believe how excited I am about this news!

Mos Def will open the 10th Cape Town International Jazz Fest that takes place on the 3rd & 4th of April. Can you believe this?

I so have to make it to CT for that weekend cos besides Mr Black Jack Johnson there’ll also be Zap Mama, Hugh Masekela, Maceo Parker, Jonathan Butler & 340ml - plus 30odd more folks. I will so live on music for that one weekend!

Googling for more info on the gig, I came across this site where you can legally download Mos Def’s “Life in Marvelous Times” from his upcoming album “The Ecstatic”. It won’t be on there forever & it’s really, really legal, folks!

Btw: Am I the only one who thinks that “The New Danger” & “True Magic” were real hiphop jewels?

Photos: (c) itusozluk.com; blog.newsok.com

——————————-

Edit:
As mentioned in the comments, Mos Def will perform in Joburg on Thursday 9 April at Carfax Loaded. A lot of hiphop heads seemed very disappointed by his show in CT cos he def went the rocky way instead of the good ole hiphop classics. So, don’t come with wrong expectations…
Oh, btw: damage is R250 at Computicket & R300 at the door…

I know, I promised to share my foodlog for these past days but it has to wait another couple of days, just too much to do.

So let me just share a quick random note with you guys:

I am having a horrible, horrible chick flick time. It is very hard for me to admit that but I have to come to terms with it myself. Am trying to live up to the intellectual standards that I set for myself & stick to Juno as well as Lars & The Real Girl (btw: one of the few films ever that made me laugh & cry at the same time).

But…

But…

… that just doesn’t do it for me anymore. I need romance, I need tears & screams & “I can’t live without you”-moments. I need the whole package. I am so falling for Hugh Grant movies at the moment. Please, please, PLEASE don’t tell anyone. Ever. From Four Weddings & a Funeral to About a Boy, Notting Hill and Bridget Jones. I think it’s the British thingy but don’t nail me on it – and don’t overanalyse it.

Lars & The Real Girl

vs.

Music & Lyrics

Anyway, the latest Grantbuster I watched is Music & Lyrics with Drew Barrymore. Nice chick flick, exactly what I needed right now. Not too testing, not too unsettling, just… nice.

Had to share this one line with you cos it surprised me with its subtle humour. Context so doesn’t matter in this case. So, here it goes:

Come, I wanna show you the roof. It’s upstairs.

I’ve come up with the idea to keep a foodlog for this month to show how easy being raw really can be. Plus, I’ve eaten badly these past weeks, so this is also a little bit of an encouragement to me to do it “the right way” cos no cheating aloud here!

Keeping track on what I’m eating is a little bit exhausting but quite interesting. I will post the stats for this week on Sunday or Monday, including links to some of my fav foods, so watch out.
Looking at my log really made me realise how little fat I consume. I think there were days this week where I had less than 10 or even 5gr of fat.
As I said in “Your Body, Your Fuel”, you have to find out what works for you. I eat lots & lots of fruits, that means an abundance of carbohydrates. That’s the best fuel for my body. Find out what your body needs to serve you in the highest way.

Metabolic typing: Should you go nuts...

... or banana?

I wanted to share with you this post on determining your own body type, it includes the following metabolic typing test that’s useful for raw foodies (adapted from a lecture by David Wolfe):

*Note-Not all steps will be necessary for you.

Step 1:  In the morning, as soon as you get hungry, have some fruit, a green smoothie, or a plain fruit smoothie for breakfast.  Step 2:  Notice how you feel afterwards.  Are you satisfied and energized for hours or do you get immediately fuzzy/light headed, and are hungry again within 20-30 minutes?

If you don’t have to eat again for hours, then you are definitely a slow oxidizer and your body runs very well on simple carbohydrates.  You should avoid heavy meals with a lot of fat and protein in them because they will slow you down.

But if you are hungry soon after this first experimental breakfast, then you are most likely a fast oxidizer.

Step 3:  Now to determine whether you’re body runs best on fats or proteins, the next morning make yourself a smoothie with just a little fruit in there and this time add some fat such as 2 Tablespoons of flax seed oil or coconut oil or avocado in there.

Step 4: Notice how you feel afterwards.  If you’re satisfied for hours, then your body runs very well on fats and you should make sure each of your meals has enough fat in them to keep you going until the next meal.

Step 5: But if you are hungry soon after this breakfast, the next morning make yourself a smoothie with a little fruit and some protein such as hemp protein or hemp seeds or chia seeds in it.  How long does that meal take you?  If this meal takes you longest into the day, then you should make sure that all of your meals have enough protein in them to keep your satisfied.

That’s it! Simple enough right?  If you’re not sure about any one breakfast, try the same breakfast out for several days in a row.  Trust your instincts and intuition.

Here’s quite an informative article on metabolic types that also offers you a list for self-assessment.

[Post # 50 - of course it had to be "deep", i.e. deeply personal. But, hey, I know that only those who truly care will read through all of this!)

The Beginning

The first time I set foot on South African soil was exactly two yrs ago at the beginning of February 2007. I had chosen Johannesburg for a semester abroad as the initial plan had been to visit boyfriend X's family over here with him. Well, boyfriend X & I broke up before I even embarked on my journey. Still, in retrospective I can see that God just had to get me to this place, no matter how. So even boyfriend X played an important role in God's plane for me & at the end I am grateful for his infidelity.

Shortly thereafter I started to read the Scriptures. Initially because I got into a discussion with a close believer friend of mine & I wanted to find evidence of the racist & sexist nature of the bible, a belief I upheld without ever reading more than two verses in a row.
What I found was truth. What I found was peace. What I found was identity.

It took me awhile to get ready for being born again. In the six months leading up to it, I studied the Word, I prayed, I had fellowship at His People on campus. I grew in Christ. But I wasn't ready yet to give up smoking weed (which had become a more regular habit in SA), drinking in company, cursing, fornicating. God was patient with me (He still is).

The Joy

I got born again in August 2007, it changed my life. Indeed I died & Christ became alive within me. The world around me thought I've lost my mind & myself but it was actually the first time I experienced true freedom. I will be ever grateful to God for calling me, waiting on me & welcoming me in His kingdom with open arms. The love He is constantly pouring out over me has become the essence of my being. There are no words to describe the joy I feel for this.

I went back to Germany for three months as the new self in October 07. It was an experience of loneliness, I felt isolated but at the same time I had such a blissful time with Christ, spending hours praying & meditating, having visions, interceding, inhaling the word. I had a new reality & that reality was so much more fulfilling than anything the world could over me.

The Struggle

Now, I am back in South Africa, back in Joburg for the third time. The last months weren't easy & I've felt something limiting my spirit for quite a while now. Deep within I knew what it was, deep within I knew for months what I had to do. But being here all by myself, I held on to relationships & communities out of the fear to be totally alone so far away from what has been called my "home" for so long. I suffocated my spirit, I limited God in my life. I wasn't true to myself.

Why do I share all this?

Last week has been a week of fully finding back to myself, fully putting God within me at the centre of my being - again. Last week I cut ties. Strong ties. I chose to be by myself again rather than being surrounded by others and losing myself in the masses.

I had to realise that despite of what I know to be true & relevant to my strength, passion, purpose & determination, somewhere along the way I had stopped loving myself before all else. And when I say "myself", it always implies God too as I am nothing but His vessel & a reflection of His glory.

This week, I said "no" for the very first time to the one I deeply love. It was such a painful moment but at the same time it was such a freeing experience. Somewhere along the way I had started to put loving him before loving myself.

This week, I had to leave the spiritual family I have been a part of ever since I've been reborn. It was such a dragging process to make an active decision against being part of this church but at the same time it was nothing but a sprint towards my Father. Somewhere along the way I had started to put my longing for belonging before my love for myself.

These two cuts had been necessary for quite some time. I couldn't stand my sight for months now. I couldn't stand how I needed so much time praying for myself - time that could have been used to pray for others - & then still being mute to the answers God gave me. I couldn't stand how I put the words others spoke over my life before the words God spoke over my life, a life that belongs to Him alone. I had to come home to my Daddy & to myself.

You know these moments where you cannot look at yourself in the mirror for you know that you are so far away from where you are supposed to be, you have become so estranged from yourself?
My mirror is too big to be covered, believe me, I tried it. Literally.

The Lesson

At the end, we have no other option than being true to our spirits. No matter what we have to give up in order to pursue it, there is no greater pain than being apart from yourself. & there is no greater joy than discovering bits & pieces of light in yourself & recognising God in all the different shades of it. Life is a kaleidoscope we only have to view from the right angle.

I am glad to be reunited with myself again. I am so glad! It will take a couple of days or weeks to fully get acquainted to me again but I can transform this into a beautiful time: A first date, flowers; a picnic, poems; a deep look into a mirror, a smile, a kiss on the forehead, an embrace and a long walk along the river of living waters.
I've never fallen out of love with myself. But it feels so good to express this love once again.

[Why this video? It is very random & abt a year old. For me, it is just a reminder of the way God sees me, of the way He wants me to shine & glow & be truly myself.]

This is totally, totally random but…

… I’ve got a cricket in my living room downstairs!

I identified the position of said cricket as underneath the TV table. I fled upstairs to google crickets (the same way I fled upstairs last week after encounter with small scorpion in front of my door – google told me then that one actually does not die from most scorpion stings, the pain could be treated with morphine. Uhm, yay.).

Parktown Prawns - a South African specialty

This is what I found out:

The left forewing of the male has a thick rib (a modified vein) which bears 50 to 300 ridges. The chirp (which only male crickets can do) is generated by raising their left forewing to a 45 degree angle and rubbing it against the upper hind edge of the right forewing, which has a thick scraper. This sound producing action is called stridulation and the song is species-specific.

There are four types of cricket song: The calling song attracts females and repels other males, and is fairly loud. The courting song is used when a female cricket is near, and is a very quiet song. An aggressive song is triggered by chemoreceptors on the antennae that detect the near presence of another male cricket and a copulatory song is produced for a brief period after successful deposition of sperm on the female’s eggs.

(…) Crickets have relatively powerful jaws, and have been known to bite humans, mostly without breaking the skin. The bite can, however, be painful when inflicted on sensitive skin such as the webbing between fingers.
Wikipedia

So, ya, I tried to identify the chirping. It is fairly loud, at least to my ear. I would not categorise it as “aggressive” per se. & I am really, really glad that, due to it’s duration, it cannot be a copulatory song!

However, my amateur cricket song identification leaves me with a calling song. Kinda scary, isn’t it? I mean, what if there are a dozen lady crickets out there that don’t just wanna answer to the song but come by for a chat or even more. Will my living room soon be the location of a massive cricket orgy? & if so, will they have the munchies afterwards and jump up the stairs to come & have a bite – of me? Will Amore, the rottweiler, who I had to leave behind sleeping downstairs, fully unaware of the immediate danger she is in right now, will she make it through the night or will I wake up, walk down the stairs & nothing but a bunch of bones will be left of her? Is this the end of my African Dream?

Photo: (c) wikimedia.org

Just a quick note: I’ve started to work on the blogroll & finally put it online. Just too many beautiful online spots that I’ve got to share with you guys…

Will add on during the next days & whenever I come across something new.

& ya, I know, it is not nice to box ppl, to categorise them but that’s what we do anyway & to a certain extend it is healthy & helpful.

Please send a quick comment if you come across a link that doesn’t work cos mistakes happen & I wld love to get it all straightened out.

Much love from a sunny day in Joburg-East!

Finally found my poem online that has been printed in Botsotso last yr. I posted it over here. But here’s now the link to the original Botsotso poetry page. Ya, my name may be last on the list, but, hey, the first will be last, you know… It gives you a great overview of South African poetry & I’m honoured to be amongst these poets.

Gotta post a poem from one of my fellow Jozi artists: Phillippa Yaa de Villiers‘ “After the fear”.

I love how poetry can speak to me on such a different level than any other form of expression.
Poetry touches me, speaks to me, teases me, laughs with me, dances with me, lulls me to sleep.
I can experience poetry starvation – & most of the times I only realise it when I indulge in a beautiful poem after a period in the desert.

This poem, it comforted me. It gave me words for feelings that I cannot yet express. It gave me a voice in the mute space that I still inhabit right now.

Here it goes:

Writer, Director & Poet Phillippa de Villiers

After the fear
After the fear’s shot down
it spirals into calamity,
trailing a paradoxical
parachute
of black smoke;
it falls
and
lands
hard.

Earth is unsurprised.

After the pilot staggers from the wreck
and collapses into the sand,
the fuselage spends
its final fantasies in a massive
gust of heat,
an extravagant roar.

Gravity holds the wounded
aviator to her breast,
and the planet swoops
through its orbit,
trailing cooling winds
like bandages

And the twisted metal subsides
as the day pixelates
and evening paints
the scene in shades of pink and grey,
and blue fills up the air as
her skin fills up with water,
she is blisters burst and
raw flesh and screaming
sobbing begging only
for
life;
yes, pain is as present as air is
on skin, yet
she is still
dying
to live,

and healing night exhales
its moon and stars,
and hope grows
like a new skin.

Photo: (c) mlasa.com

Babies are just über-present in my reality right now. Perhaps that’s just God’s way of preparing me in time, I mean, way in time. I am indeed already a wife & mother – in the spirit. The essence of what & who we truly are has been written down as part of the foundation of the earth long before we took our first breath. It may still take some time to manifest in this physical reality but that doesn’t make it any less real. Like a pregnant woman, you may not see the baby yet but it is probably more real to her than you are, sitting right in front of her. You feeling me, folks?

What was I saying? Uhm, …, ya, one of the sistahs of my sacred circle, i.e. my closest girls from “back home”, is giving birth to a baby boy in May! The first one of the bunch, you cannot believe how excited I am! Am really sorry that I miss out on the joy of witnessing her during these months. I can only imagine the glow & magic around her, there’s nothing more beautiful than spiritually grounded, pregnant women. Just MHO, okay.

Hope I’ll get her to write a short post on her experiences so far as a spiritual, vegan, conscious, Afrikan woman birthing a Black seed in the Babylonian madness of Germany. I truly admire her for that & I know that we other sistahs will all benefit from her lessons. There is a reason why she has been chosen to take this road as the first one of us, hardship should always remind us of God’s amount of trust & faith in us.

So, natural birthing. I came across a blog by Chi-Chi, The Original Wombman [creds go to Black to Nature once again], & the report she gives about the home birth of her second child. It is a beautifully open & detailed post, I really loved the insight it gave me on natural birthing & the impact of meditation on your experience.

Here’s an excerpt:

I dealt with each rush one at time. I remember thinking to myself, “Okay, here it comes.” My uterus would tighten and it was painful but I stayed right on top of the pain and rode it out. Once the rush was over, I said “Okay, there it goes” and just relaxed and breathed deeply and gathered my strength for the next one. I kept thinking funny thoughts and amusing myself between contractions. I was making good noises—humming, groaning and moaning during contractions. At one point, I decided that I shouldn’t make any noise at all. I decided I would look at the contraction, i.e. watch it come, feel it at its height, reckon with it, and let it go. This, I feel, was probably when I opened up the most because I was facing the pain head on and telling it that it could not and would not over come me.

Chi-Chi’s report can be found over here.

I love the idea of a home birth as I am truly opposed to hospitalisation of healthy bodies. Hospitals aren’t about healing & life, they are about medication & death. Why should I choose to give birth in such an environment that is loaded with destructive energies & forces? If we have the choice as women who believe in a natural lifestyle, in honouring our selves & the living God within us, then we should really opt for a natural birth at home.

You can quickly inform yourself – even as much ahead of things as I do – over here or get much more detailed information on this website.

Photo: (c) flickr.com/photos/africanfathers